Helping Not Selling
The most effective way to grow relationships and bring in new work isn’t about pitching, it’s about helping. This guide is designed to help you approach conversations with clients and contacts with curiosity, empathy, and service. By asking the right questions and offering practical, non-salesy support, you’ll naturally build trust and position yourself as a valued partner.
Think of it less as business development and more as being genuinely useful and helpful. Small, consistent actions connecting people, spotting issues early, simplifying complexity, and celebrating wins are what clients remember and appreciate.
Both emphasize the same principles in this guide: selling is really about listening, helping, and making it easy for others to succeed.
Mindset Shifts
Not sales → relationship investment + service: Your role is to be useful, not pushy
Curiosity is the engine: Questions uncover where you can add value.
Small touches build trust: Consistency and thoughtfulness matter more than one big pitch.
Relationships first, legal second: People hire people they like and trust.
Reach out to 2–3 contacts a week just to check in (no agenda).
Block 20 minutes for curiosity research — see what clients are posting, celebrating, or struggling with.
To get started:
Instead of asking: How’s work?
Ask: What’s the most interesting thing you’ve worked on this week? Follow it up with “Really? Tell me more”. Curiosity beats autopilot every time.
What was the best part about ____?
Walk me through how you_______
What’s a small win you had recently that made you feel proud?
How did you decide to approach ___ that way?
What’s one question you’ve been asking yourself lately about ___?
At the end of each meeting, consider asking the client/contact:
What’s one small way I can follow up to be useful?
Would it be helpful if I ___?
How can I support you right now?
If I did ___ this week would that make your life easier?
What’s one thing I could send you that would be helpful?
Would it help if I connected you with ___?
Is there someone else I should loop in or connect you with?
Curiosity-Driven Questions
Business + Strategy
What’s the top priority for your team this year?
If you had more time or resources, what’s the first project you’d tackle?
What’s the biggest shift you’re seeing in your industry right now?
What’s on your [CEO’s/General Counsel/Head of Legal] radar that trickles down to you?
What does success look like for your department this quarter?
Pain Points
What keeps landing on your desk that you wish didn’t?
Where do things tend to get stuck in your process?
What kinds of outside issues end up distracting you from the core work you want to do?
What risks feel hardest to get ahead of right now?
What do you wish an outside counsel would just handle so you don’t have to think about?
What do you need help with right now?
People + Team
Who else in the organization is touched by this issue?
What other departments do you find yourself partnering with most?
If we could take something off your plate, what would free you up to lead at a higher level?
Future + Opportunities
What are you most excited about rolling out in the next six months?
Are there new markets, products, or partnerships you’re exploring?
How do you see your role evolving as the company grows?
What’s the one thing you’d love to get done by year-end?
If you could wave a magic wand and have one problem solved tomorrow, what would it be?
Support
How can I be useful to you outside of the legal issues?
Is there a resource, tool, or contact that would make your life easier?
Do you want me to share what I’m seeing other companies do in this space?
Would it be helpful if I connected you with someone who’s handled this before?
Would it save you time if I drafted a quick framework/template for that?
